It Is Well With My Soul

Well here we go....  were back to the old schedule of Sheridan only joining us for weekends... I feel extremely lucky that we did get so much time together... but I always have those thoughts in the back of my mind that most families get to see each other every day and I hate that we don't get that. Oh I know there are lots of families out there that don't get to see each other everyday but when your life is way outside the normal as it is, even the little things like eating supper together or watching a movie on your own couch feels like it would be so amazing to be able to do that again. Right now, life just honestly feels so hard. I'm sitting beside Deklyn right now and yes I feel so blessed to have him in my life and just looking at him makes me happy but that doesn't change how incredibly hard our situation is.

Deklyn is doing really well, the past few days he's been needing a little more oxygen than his normal which always has me a little on edge and wondering what is going to happen now but he's happy and his normal Deklyn self! Were getting closer to the 7 kg mark, when he is there I've been told they will try him on the portable vent so I'm just waiting on that! I'm so excited to just get to walk him down the hall in the hospital and I'm already dreaming of this summer! I'm hoping we will be home by summer but even if were not I'm sure we'll be taking him on lots of outings and I hope to take him to the zoo and things like that! I know it will be an adjustment and Deklyn may not even like these things are first. He has been in a hospital for nearly 14 months now, going outside would be kind of a shock I would think! So I'm preparing myself for that but I am still just so excited.

Something thats really hard for us right now is thinking about our vehicle situation. We have a few calls to make just to be sure but right now its sounds like there is no way our vehicle will work for Deklyn when we are able to start taking him out. We want to be prepared for that day but we also want to believe we won't need a new vehicle. We would hate for the day to come when they say "ok guys! Take Deklyn anywhere you like for the day!" and we are not able too.. that would just suck! But we are taking it one day at a time... honestly we LOVE the vehicle we have right now and its kinda hard to say goodbye to it but we obviously love our son and want to take him out way more than we love our vehicle, and like I said before when your life is completely un-normal, when the things in your life that feel normal get taken from you it sucks! Its just honestly so hard for me to know where I need to just put my complete faith in what I'm believing for or when we need to just do what would look like the smart thing. I'm growing in all of this, its just by no means easy.

This past month has been an extremely frustrating one for us... I'm sure there are some of you who can relate to us in the way of believing and trusting God for something to happen. No one likes waiting and it can get pretty frustrating. You feel like the right timing is now, but in Gods eyes is it? Maybe he's waiting for that perfect moment... maybe if  Deklyn is completely healed now it won't effect as many people as it would if it happened later... Honestly I don't know. I do know that God is good, God is loving, God wants the very best for us and so many other things. Someday's I have laid in bed and just told God I just don't know what to pray any more. I feel like I've done all I can and all I know how to do. I guess one day when I get to heaven I'll get to ask him why, I just wish until then I could learn to turn my brain off and just enjoy what I have rather than be sad over the things I don't have.

I haven't been able to go to our church for quite sometime but they have the services online which is really nice! This last sunday they had a guest speaker out, and although the situation she went through is completely different than ours she really spoke to me... everything she said I already knew but sometimes you just need a refresher... here is a link to the service.It really reminded me that even though things in my life might not be going well, things can still be well with my soul. It also reminded me not to be so stuck in my situation... when I get to heaven I want God to be able to say to me he is happy with what I did with my life. I have an incredible opportunity here in the hospital... there are so many hurting people, so many people who don't know Jesus and don't know that he loves them... God did not give us this situation but he sure can use it and I don't want to be so stuck in my own sadness that I'm not ready when God tells me to go to talk to someone, or can't hear him when he tells me to do something for someone.

I really want to encourage you to listen to the message if you haven't... its really good for anyone, going through a situation or not! And like always I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to pray for us and our little boy. We've had a very hard year but we are standing in faith and God will bring us through. I felt it on my heart for quite sometime to have a big group pray over Deklyn and hopefully soon we are going to be doing this. Were going to have some family here and just spend time in prayer thanking God for Deklyn's healing. Right now we can not do this because the hospital has visitor restrictions but as soon as this is off were going to plan for a day. Those of you praying for us, please keep this day in your prayers. I don't know what God has planned, but we are believing for great things!