1 Year

Yesterday marked 1 year since Deklyn's celebration of life, February 28th marked 1 year since Deklyn passed away. At the time, I thought that those moments were the hardest in my life but if I'm completely honest there have been days since he passed away that have been much harder then those days. You'd think that as you come to a year, the hurt should be a little less... sometimes it is, sometimes its not. Its hard to explain the feelings around losing your child. As I thought about February 28th coming up... I really didn't expect it to be a very hard day.. we miss Deklyn all the time.. that day wouldn't really be any different. February 27th, I was in the car by myself and suddenly I was just incredibly sad that Deklyn wasn't in the back in a car seat... it just hit me out of no where... I was trying not to cry but I honestly couldn't stop the tears from coming. That's when I began to think the next day might be harder then I thought... but it really was ok.. I missed him, and it made me sad that that day marked a year since we had seen him alive.. but we kept busy and that made it easier. I honestly hadn't cried at all, until we came home from supper with Sheridan's siblings and the driveway was lined with colorful jars, and lights in them.

A huge thank you to my mom and mom in-law for organizing this! Each jar contained a note from someone. It was almost like after the funeral all over again, in a good way! We sat at our table taking turns reading the notes and reading how Deklyn and we have affected people in such a good way just made me feel so good. Although we'd been told these things before it just never hurts to hear it again and by so many people. Thank you to everyone who was a part of this, or to anyone who sent me texts and e-mails that day. Its always nice to know that we are being thought of and that people are praying for us. I try very hard to make sure people in my family still feel like Deklyn is a part of their lives in the best way I know how.. so for this to be done for us meant a lot to me... I'd been feeling like I was running dry, giving so much of myself and trying to make others happy and this definitely made me feel so much better.

I'm going to leave you with a post that I didn't write. a friend of mine passed this along and it really helped me see things from a better perspective. You can find that post here. Everyone who has asked the question "Why me?" should read this... it really helped me to see again what really matters. It doesn't matter whats going on with everyone else, we are called to follow Jesus. I hope you find it as encouraging a I did.