Deklyn's 2nd Birthday Bash

Friday was our incredibly baby boys 2nd birthday, the day went much better than I expected. We had a big party with our family and some friends, we made lots of food and just enjoyed each others company. I had a really hard time deciding what to do for Deklyn... singing Happy Birthday seemed like it would be too hard, but in the end we decided on having a cake for him and Sheridan and myself sent away a lantern by his grave before the party. 

I kept pretty busy through out the day which really helped me not to get caught up in being sad that he wasn't here on his birthday. I have a few people that I want to say thank you to, first off to my sister in-law Brooklyn, thank you for coming over... I think I would have been pretty sad had I not had you there with me. Thank you to Brooklyn and Pam for making such an awesome cake, I'm sure Deklyn loved it! Thank you to my mom for the beautiful arrangement. Thank you to everyone who made it to the party, it made our day so much easier and it just helped us to see how many people love Deklyn and still think of him and us. Thank you to anyone who took the time to let me know they were thinking of me, either in person, text or e-mail. A huge thank you to my brother in-law Madison.. going to Deklyn's grave and seeing it shoveled so that we could see the stake meant more than I think anyone could imagine... Also thank you to Tim & Pam for bringing the balloon to his grave, and who ever wrote "I Love You Deklyn" in the snow by his grave... thank you. I honestly don't know what I would do for someone on the birthday of their child who has passed away.. a few people brought us gifts and each one of them will be treasured forever.. thank you to each one of you who brought us something.. each gift was so thoughtful and made us feel so loved.

I felt I needed to have some kind of tradition for Deklyn's birthday that we can keep up with our future kids. I searched the internet to come up with ideas and couldn't find anything I really liked... in the end we decided to always send off a lantern for him, I wish we could do balloons but in the winter balloons won't lift. We also decided to use the money that we would normal spend on him for his birthday and give it to either a charity, a family in need, or use it just to do something nice for some one else. These things have really helped me to get through his birthday.

I am so incredibly grateful for the time I had with Deklyn... I am so happy that I got to experience one birthday with him... I feel so blessed that I got 2 Christmas's with him...  I really am so incredibly lucky. 

During this Christmas season, try to remember those around you. Its so easy to get caught up with your self and your family, but there are so many people hurting all around us. I encourage you to see what you can do for some one else this season, bring a smile to someone's face and make them feel loved and thought of. This goes for myself as well, its very easy for me to think only about myself and my family as this is our first Christmas with out our Deklyn, but we are not the only ones hurting and often it helps to heal our own hearts when we help others. 

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, thank you so much for your support and encouragement this past year. We have felt so much love and support. We are hoping that next year we will be able to introduce you all to a new sibling for Deklyn, but we will see what 2014 brings for us. God is good all the time and we know that he is always for us. Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support!

Dear Deklyn

Deklyn,

I miss you so much, but I am so glad that you don't miss me. We are 1 month away from your 2nd birthday, I can only imagine what your birthday party is going to be like in heaven. I wish I could plan a party for you like I did last year, that was so much fun! Even though you were back in Intensive Care, we had such a great time. You got spoiled with so many presents and I'll never forget the amazing memories we made that day. We are going to have a party for you here, to celebrate you and your amazing life. Its hard to do these things with out you, but it would be even harder to not have a party at all. 

Daddy and I talk about you a lot. We joke that you have your own circus up in heaven, that you've got all these animals trained to do anything that you want. We talk about how you and Cash go for tractor rides and play together. We wonder what Uncle Grant has all shown you and we are sure he must be telling you stories about Daddy from when he was a little boy. We feel jealous that you've met daddy's sister, I'm sure she's being an amazing auntie to you and spoling you enough for all your auntie's left behind.

 I wonder how big you are now... I'm so sad that I don't get to see you grow. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to imagine you calling me, I can't wait to hear your beautiful voice when I get to heaven.When ever I sing, I feel you watching me. I think you like my singing and are proud of me when I praise God with my voice. I imagine you singing the words with me.

I try my best not to get sad when I see other kids with their mommys. I know I'm going to get to be with you soon, but its still hard for me. I tried my best to take care of you, I had so much fun being a mommy. Some times I find myself asking why... The other day I looked into your room and thought I really should clean it up a bit.. so I started taking things from the closet and re organizing.... and I came across some of your blankets. Your blankets were a big part of your life, clothes you didn't always get to wear and your toys didn't always get played with, but you were always on one of your blankets. I started to cry, and I got mad that I could wrap you up in one, that I couldn't see you smile when you looked at your favorite ones... But I remember, we were never promised an easy life. God never promised to rescue us from every horrible thing that happens to us here on earth. His promise is eternal life to those that follow him. I have held on to my faith like I never have before because of you Deklyn. You've made me a better person in every way possible and a better Christian. Heaven holds a whole new meaning when someone you love is there.

Deklyn, I am so very proud to be your mommy. Even though I am so sad that you are not here, especially for your birthday and Christmas... I am so glad I had you for the time that I did. You taught me so much and I hope I never forgot the lessons I've learned through you.

Some one that I meant through all this, and has also lost her own son said this and I think it is so perfect.
 In the worst of the storm, when I had all but given in, peace found me, the kind that passes all understanding, and it knew right where I was. It didn't change the circumstances, but it changed my heart, which changed it all.

I'll see you soon Buddy, I love you with all my heart.

Love, Your Mommy