He is Here!

Well the last 2 weeks has been quite the change for us and our home.

On September 1st at 11:47am we welcomed our second son into our lives. I was scheduled for a c-section and he was supposed to be born around 8:30am but there ended up being an emergency c-section and someone else ahead of us so we finally went into the OR sometime after 11am. I was excited and nervous just as I'm sure any mom is before her baby is about to be born. I had wonderful staff looking after me and of course my amazing husband there to be my support (I can not say enough how incredible he is... he took such good care of me after surgery). As I lay there and Sheridan sat beside me we heard his beautiful cry and I couldn't help but cry too. It was so amazing to hear, I can count on one hand how many times I heard Deklyn's cry (if you can even really call it a cry, it was more like hearing his voice for a split second) so it felt very overwhelming to hear his cry and know he must be at least fairly healthy to have such a strong cry.

After sometime I finally got hold him while I was in recovery... what a feeling... to hold him when he was under an hour old. He was so peaceful and so incredibly cute. I honestly can't put into words what it is like to have a healthy child after a child who was so sick. I feel like I am living a dream, an amazing dream. I love everything about being this boys mom, and I honestly mean everything. I know that will probably change and getting up in the middle of the night will get old.... it probably helps that he's one of the best babies. He hardly ever cries and at the moment is letting us get a good amount of sleep. I took him for a walk today and I just felt so happy... this is what I've always wanted to do and I feel so blessed and so lucky to be doing this. Being a mom has been the most rewarding thing I've done in my life. Both my boys have been extremely different situations but both rewarding, incredible and both have made me grow and learn in different ways.

I was very prepared for bringing him home to be tough.. we are so used to it just being us and doing whatever we wanted on our own time. But when Sheridan and I got home from the hospital with our beautiful little boy we looked at each other and couldn't believe how right it felt. We didn't have anxiety, we weren't scared... we just felt so much joy and peace. Of course I know it won't be easy, and so far he honestly has been such a great baby, we can not complain. I did have a bit of guilt coming home though... this baby is in no way to replace Deklyn or even to ease the pain of losing Deklyn... but I still felt some guilt like maybe I shouldn't be so happy and a piece of me wishes I could talk to Deklyn and know that he knows he isn't being replaced.. but of course I know that Deklyn is just as happy as us and I'm sure he is just so excited to have a little brother and must be telling everyone in Heaven about him. Deklyn not being with us will never get easier, and actually having this little guy here has made me miss him even more but like always I know he wouldn't want to come back even if he had the choice and I'm so glad I have the promise of seeing him again and we'll all be together.

Well, thats all I'll share for now but I'll leave you with some photos!

Here he is, Flynn Hudson Grant Sawatzky born on September 1st at 11:47am, 7 pounds 1 oz and 20 inches long.

Change in 2015 for the Sawatzky House!

Hello Everyone! I have no idea if anyone even checks this blog anymore as I haven't posted in so long! Honestly I'd start to write and just couldn't finish or post because I didn't feel like what I was saying made any sense... It was so much easier writing and updating about Deklyn compared to now.. sharing how you feel is tough and not always very easy for me.

The past 2 years have been a whirlwind of almost every emotion possible. Since the last time I posted we've past Deklyn's 3rd birthday and 2 years since he passed away. These days just never get easier, maybe with time they will... but I honestly don't really expect them to and I maybe don't even want them to. These days are reasons to talk about Deklyn and to remember him and we have some pretty awesome family and friends that always do their best to make sure these days are not forgotten and are always special and we are SO grateful for these people in our lives.

Now along with not posting in so long I have another reason for writing this post. As I said the past 2 years has been filled with so many emotions and changes for us as a couple and family, and in 2015 we will actually be adding to our family! We are expecting our 2nd baby due in September and we couldn't be more excited and happy. I was pretty nervous about this news getting out as I wasn't sure how people would react as I knew most people would be completely shocked but we've had nothing but support and I so appreciate it!

Most people wonder what kind of emotions we felt in finding out we were expecting and honestly... we just agreed that no matter what we would be happy. If this baby had HPP or not, this baby would be loved and cared for just as much as we loved and cared for Deklyn. 

We had an ultrasound around 12 weeks to see how the baby was doing and that day I was pretty nervous... although I was happy we were having a baby I knew this ultrasound would show us if  we would be having a some what normal pregnancy/newborn stage or if we'd be going down a similar road to what we had with Deklyn. Either way I was going to be happy... but I knew I'd feel sad for the baby if it had HPP and of course it goes with out saying it would just be easier if there were no complications.

As we started the ultrasound we could see our beautiful baby's profile and then I saw what I had never seen on any ultrasound we had with Deklyn and that was long arms stretching out and long legs wiggling around. I instantly knew, this baby did not have HPP. Although at that ultrasound they could not tell us anything for sure they did say as of right now all looked good but we'd need to come back just to make sure. In their words, the baby could have a less severe form than Deklyn did.

So we went back 2 more times after that and we were told that they are 90% sure this baby does not have HPP. Which is a relief of course, but brings in a new set of worries... what is it going to be like being able to bring our baby home? Having to get up in the middle of the night to care for it? Having a normal newborn experience is not something we had with Deklyn.. so it'll bring some challenges and I'm sure some frustrations but we are so excited and feel so lucky that we get to go through a 'normal' pregnancy. I so look forward to doing all the things we felt we didn't get to do with Deklyn but I also know this new journey could make me miss Deklyn in a whole new way.

We have also been told that we are having another boy! So I am sure Deklyn is super excited to be getting a brother and we are so excited too! We know everyone is hoping that this little guy will have his brothers cheeks and we'll definitely try our best! 

Like always, we'd like to thank everyone for the support and love! No matter what we go through whether its hard or exciting we always feel such amazing support and we couldn't be more grateful. We know although this time is so happy & exciting it will bring new challenges and things to work through but with our amazing God and all the loving people in our lives we'll make it through whatever life throws at us. 

I'll leave you with a few picture of our newest baby boy expected early September!