Like I've said before, each day is different. One day I'm unbearably sad... the next unbelievably happy, and often I'm both in one day. With each day things are seeming to get harder... I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't think a month and a half after his death I would be more sad than the day he passed away. Every where I look it seems like someone's carrying a child or is pregnant. Believe me, I am so happy for anyone who has a child or is pregnant, I really am! Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the sadness I feel when I want to have Deklyn in my arms, just as someone has their child in there's. Or how I wish I could have the feeling of him in my tummy again.
There is something that has really been on my heart to share on my blog. I'm not sure if I made this clear or not when Deklyn passed away. I fully believe Deklyn could have been healed here on earth. I do not know why he wasn't and I could torture myself just thinking about what I may have missed, or what else could have been done but that is no way to live. I just really want to make it clear that I still fully believe in healing, what has happened has not changed any of my beliefs. Before Deklyn passed away, I thought long and hard about what would happen to me if Deklyn would pass away. With out a doubt I knew my views on healing would not change, I knew I'd be confused and probably hurt but I knew without a doubt that God is always good, and we live in an incredibly crappy world. Bad things happen all the time! No one likes to talk about the stories where what was prayed for didn't happen, everyone likes the stories where they laid hands on the sick and they recovered.... I thought we were going to have one of those stories... but God did not abandon us. God did not forsake us. God was holding us while we held out dead child, I'm sure he cried and was holding on to me as I fell to the floor tears pouring down my face as I watched the hospital staff turn off his ventilator and unhook everything that was keeping him going. God holds me every night as I wish I was holding my son. I just want to make it perfectly clear where I stand with all this. If you are believing for healing, do not give up! Our God IS the healer! The sunday after Deklyn's celebration my father in-law shared a great message at church. I think it helps with alot of the questions we have in situations like Deklyn's I encourage you to give it a listen, you can watch that here
There is just one more thing I wanted to say in this post. I want to encourage you to be as kind as you possibly can to anybody and everybody. You have no idea what people are going through. I remember when I found out something was wrong when I was pregnant, I was so sensitive to any remark, if it was meant to be hurtful or not. You don't have to go out of your way to do nice things for people, but even in your job, if you answer phones try your best to be extra kind on the phone, or if your a cashier try to have a smile on your face... you have no idea how something so small can help someone who's been going through some tough stuff and trust me, there are alot of us! I know for myself, with everything that has happened I am so much more aware of how people are acting. When people are rude or not very kind, I often wonder what may be causing them to act this way.. maybe they are going through something too that has made them act that way today.
I hope I'm making sense today. Honestly the past week has been really hard. People have been asking me to make a post and this is all I really had on my heart today. Continue to let us know how Deklyn impacted your life. It really does help us!
I realized after my last post that I didn't really give a good explanation of my tattoo! When I got it, I meant it to represent my family. Sheridan and I would be the feather and I would add birds as we had kids. A few people, without knowing what my meaning was said to them it looked like Deklyn was the bird and the feather was the imprint he left behind. I love that too! and it makes me wonder, when I go to heaven, what kind of imprint will I leave behind.
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There is something that has really been on my heart to share on my blog. I'm not sure if I made this clear or not when Deklyn passed away. I fully believe Deklyn could have been healed here on earth. I do not know why he wasn't and I could torture myself just thinking about what I may have missed, or what else could have been done but that is no way to live. I just really want to make it clear that I still fully believe in healing, what has happened has not changed any of my beliefs. Before Deklyn passed away, I thought long and hard about what would happen to me if Deklyn would pass away. With out a doubt I knew my views on healing would not change, I knew I'd be confused and probably hurt but I knew without a doubt that God is always good, and we live in an incredibly crappy world. Bad things happen all the time! No one likes to talk about the stories where what was prayed for didn't happen, everyone likes the stories where they laid hands on the sick and they recovered.... I thought we were going to have one of those stories... but God did not abandon us. God did not forsake us. God was holding us while we held out dead child, I'm sure he cried and was holding on to me as I fell to the floor tears pouring down my face as I watched the hospital staff turn off his ventilator and unhook everything that was keeping him going. God holds me every night as I wish I was holding my son. I just want to make it perfectly clear where I stand with all this. If you are believing for healing, do not give up! Our God IS the healer! The sunday after Deklyn's celebration my father in-law shared a great message at church. I think it helps with alot of the questions we have in situations like Deklyn's I encourage you to give it a listen, you can watch that here
There is just one more thing I wanted to say in this post. I want to encourage you to be as kind as you possibly can to anybody and everybody. You have no idea what people are going through. I remember when I found out something was wrong when I was pregnant, I was so sensitive to any remark, if it was meant to be hurtful or not. You don't have to go out of your way to do nice things for people, but even in your job, if you answer phones try your best to be extra kind on the phone, or if your a cashier try to have a smile on your face... you have no idea how something so small can help someone who's been going through some tough stuff and trust me, there are alot of us! I know for myself, with everything that has happened I am so much more aware of how people are acting. When people are rude or not very kind, I often wonder what may be causing them to act this way.. maybe they are going through something too that has made them act that way today.
I hope I'm making sense today. Honestly the past week has been really hard. People have been asking me to make a post and this is all I really had on my heart today. Continue to let us know how Deklyn impacted your life. It really does help us!
I realized after my last post that I didn't really give a good explanation of my tattoo! When I got it, I meant it to represent my family. Sheridan and I would be the feather and I would add birds as we had kids. A few people, without knowing what my meaning was said to them it looked like Deklyn was the bird and the feather was the imprint he left behind. I love that too! and it makes me wonder, when I go to heaven, what kind of imprint will I leave behind.
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