The last 5 months have flown by and I can't believe how big Flynn is getting. It's been an interesting new part of our journey that is for sure. Most people say to me that Flynn must be so healing and in ways, yes he certainly has been but having him has also made Deklyn's absence more apparent in new ways. I honestly have been more emotional about him being gone now than I was before Flynn was here. Deklyn's birthday was a hard one... His party was mostly fine, but the morning at church was pretty rough. I just so badly wanted to hear someone say "Happy Birthday Deklyn"... I did get a few texts from some wonderful friends which I appreciated so very much. I try not be unrealistic... I know most people didn't know it was his birthday but it was just harder than his past birthdays for some reason.
I've really been struggling with feeling like Deklyn is slowly slipping away... like he is talked about less and less which I guess is expected... he's not here, but as a mom its still hard. This week I got the privilege of talking to a group of mom's about him and that was just so good for my heart. When I went I didn't want to just tell a story, but have the mom's come away challenged. I often feel like things make sense in my head but don't come out right in my words so I really hope I made sense... but either way I was blessed to be with those ladies who let me share Deklyn and help my heart heal a little more. One thing in particular that I still struggle with is healing... I know our God is healer and I know healing happens all the time! I love hearing those stories but at the same time they often make me feel like I must have done something wrong.. but I know that is just a lie. God is good in spite of everything I've been through, I choose to say it and believe it everyday no matter how I feel and what I'm struggling with. How easy is it to say that God is good when all is going well? Or when the healing does come... I think it means a lot more to say it in the hard times because it is true all the time.
A few days ago I posted a picture of Deklyn's bear on instagram. We take Deklyn's bear with us when we go away and will take pictures of it in memory of Deklyn. A friend of mine mentioned that she wanted one of those pictures to put up as a reminder of the powerful impact life can have and it got me thinking... there could very well be other people who want that exact reminder in there home, or maybe Deklyn has taught them something else and they would want a picture of his bear as a reminder of whatever that is... so we started The Mr. Bear Project. How it works is we have a bunch of pictures up on our photography page on Facebook, pick a picture and either message us there or e-mail me at cassondra.faith@gmail.com with the picture number you want. All the proceeds will go to The Deklyn Sawatzky Endownment Fund, we ask for a minimum donation of $15 and when you message or e-mail me I'll let you know how you can do that! You can view all the pictures here
I so appreciate everyone who has been keeping our family in your prayers. There are so many of you and it is so appreciated. I so often meet people who I do not know but tell me they followed Deklyn's Journey and that he has changed there lives... I can not tell you how happy that makes this mama's heart. I apologize for not writing very often, I sometimes feel like I don't have a whole lot to say... and what I may feel like saying is too sad or not encouraging.. but I know there are others out there who struggle with the same things and maybe reading how I feel will make them feel like they are not alone so I'm going to try my best to write a little more often. Deklyn is forever on our minds, in our hearts and in our lives because we will continue to say his name and keep his memory alive. I only hope he is proud of all we try to do in his memory.
