To Be A Light In The Dark

This post isn't really an update.. it is more to share my heart and how I am feeling lately. My heart is feeling very heavy today, I can't quite put my finger on what exactly is bothering me. Deklyn is doing fairly well, his lung is still collapsed and hasn't really made much improvement but he has been really content lately! I've really gained a new perspective on things since our son was born. I do have my days where I am very sad and all I want is to take my son home and for things to be, as we see it 'normal'. But often my heart isn't hurting for myself, or my family. Its hurting for the ones around me. I was talking to a mom as I left the hospital today, she didn't tell me what was wrong with her daughter but the hurt I felt coming from her eyes made me feel an incomprehensible compassion for someone I had never even seen before. I asked her how long they had been in the hospital, almost as if she was in pain she said "It will be a week tomorrow" In hopes of giving her a bit of cheer, and to know she doesn't have it the worst I said "Oh, I know its very hard being in a hospital. We've been here for almost 4 months now" I'm not sure if it helped, but I told her I hoped her evening would be better than the morning she had and we parted ways.

There is really nothing I want more than to make a difference and I believe with the situation I am in I can. Hurting people want something more, and if I can show them love with a smile or even just small talk I am more than happy to do that. The other day as I was leaving the house to go see Deklyn a young girl and her dad came and went to go see the woman in charge of the house. As they walk in I hear the dad say "Hi, this is my daughter and this year for her birthday instead of gifts, she asker her friends to bring money to donate to the Ronald McDonald House" I was amazed... when I was a little girl I loved my presents way to much to ever even think of something like that. Many of us adults wouldn't even do something like that. 

Days like today, I feel so out of strength. I remind myself of how things could be much worse and how lucky we are. I can't imagine what some families are going through. If anyone would like to pray for me, please pray that everyday I be completely open to what God has in store for me that day and to keep my mind on what is important. I know God can use me where I am, and I don't want to leave here feeling like I could have done more. Please pray that I would be a light in a place where lots of hurting and lost people are. 

I'll leave you with my latest favourite picture of Deklyn... he sure knows how to let you know how he's feeling even if all he has is his eyes to show it with!