Dear Deklyn

Deklyn,

I miss you so much, but I am so glad that you don't miss me. We are 1 month away from your 2nd birthday, I can only imagine what your birthday party is going to be like in heaven. I wish I could plan a party for you like I did last year, that was so much fun! Even though you were back in Intensive Care, we had such a great time. You got spoiled with so many presents and I'll never forget the amazing memories we made that day. We are going to have a party for you here, to celebrate you and your amazing life. Its hard to do these things with out you, but it would be even harder to not have a party at all. 

Daddy and I talk about you a lot. We joke that you have your own circus up in heaven, that you've got all these animals trained to do anything that you want. We talk about how you and Cash go for tractor rides and play together. We wonder what Uncle Grant has all shown you and we are sure he must be telling you stories about Daddy from when he was a little boy. We feel jealous that you've met daddy's sister, I'm sure she's being an amazing auntie to you and spoling you enough for all your auntie's left behind.

 I wonder how big you are now... I'm so sad that I don't get to see you grow. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to imagine you calling me, I can't wait to hear your beautiful voice when I get to heaven.When ever I sing, I feel you watching me. I think you like my singing and are proud of me when I praise God with my voice. I imagine you singing the words with me.

I try my best not to get sad when I see other kids with their mommys. I know I'm going to get to be with you soon, but its still hard for me. I tried my best to take care of you, I had so much fun being a mommy. Some times I find myself asking why... The other day I looked into your room and thought I really should clean it up a bit.. so I started taking things from the closet and re organizing.... and I came across some of your blankets. Your blankets were a big part of your life, clothes you didn't always get to wear and your toys didn't always get played with, but you were always on one of your blankets. I started to cry, and I got mad that I could wrap you up in one, that I couldn't see you smile when you looked at your favorite ones... But I remember, we were never promised an easy life. God never promised to rescue us from every horrible thing that happens to us here on earth. His promise is eternal life to those that follow him. I have held on to my faith like I never have before because of you Deklyn. You've made me a better person in every way possible and a better Christian. Heaven holds a whole new meaning when someone you love is there.

Deklyn, I am so very proud to be your mommy. Even though I am so sad that you are not here, especially for your birthday and Christmas... I am so glad I had you for the time that I did. You taught me so much and I hope I never forgot the lessons I've learned through you.

Some one that I meant through all this, and has also lost her own son said this and I think it is so perfect.
 In the worst of the storm, when I had all but given in, peace found me, the kind that passes all understanding, and it knew right where I was. It didn't change the circumstances, but it changed my heart, which changed it all.

I'll see you soon Buddy, I love you with all my heart.

Love, Your Mommy

Deklyn's Fund & Adoption Update

I have some pretty awesome news! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has donated to the Deklyn Sawatzky Endowment Fund, we have reached our first initial goal of $10,000!! I can't believe it! In under 4 months we raised $10,000!  $10,000 was our first goal because after there is that amount in the fund the interest created goes towards research for Hypophosphatsia! We will obviously continue to raise money. I want them to have as much money as possible for research but now at least we have made it to the point where the fund is making a difference! I feel so proud to be able to carry on my son's name through this fund. Its one of the only things I have left that is a piece of my son that is active and it makes me so happy to be able to carry this out. My goal is to see no child die from HPP, I'm sure that one day I will be able to hear about a child who was just like Deklyn and hear how he's doing so amazing and getting to do all the things that Deklyn didn't get to do. That will probably make me sad that Deklyn didn't get that chance... but he got more then most of the children who came before him! Some HPP kids only had that moment in their parents arms right after they were born and some I'm sure are lost in miscarriage.

I want to ask for prayer as we continue down the road of adoption. Prayer for peace and patience for us and also prayer for our child and the birth mother of that child. We are excited and can't wait to have a baby in our home but at the same time try not to be too excited because we have no idea how long it could take or if we will ever be picked. It's a very helpless feeling. We love being parents, and we can't wait to be able to act like parents again. I'm excited for our families... although we will never forget Deklyn and he will be a very real part of our lives forever, I think us having a child through adoption will bring a lot of healing to our whole family especially on my side. Deklyn was the only grand baby and nephew, and there is a very obvious void when we get together where as on my husband's side there are 2 very crazy and lovable grand babies that I feel helps the void of Deklyn not being their become just a bit more bare-able. I know everyone misses him like crazy and that won't stop, but I know as more kids join the family and the date of his death moves further behind us it will become easier and their will be less hard days for everyone. Of course I don't want a child for the reason of helping everyone to heal from Deklyn's death, I want a child because I love being a parent and for the exact same reason we decided to start a family when we had Deklyn.

A few weekends ago we went to a mandatory weekend long seminar for perspective adopt parents. I'll be completely honest, when we started this whole adoption process I was very upset. For us, getting pregnant was easy and adoption looked so hard. I was mad that we had to make the responsible choice for our family and decide not to get pregnant because of the risk of having more children like Deklyn and not wanting to put a child or our families through that again. I kept thinking, even if we did have another child like Deklyn of course I would love him/her... I would do everything I did for Deklyn again in a heartbeat... but I know if we went through that again we would have a lot of guilt and it would be that much harder watching that baby experience the things Deklyn had to experience knowing that we could have prevented it. Everyone has their own reasons for why they decide to have kids or not when knowing the risks and for us right now even though for me it has been a very hard decision we know that this is the choice we want for our family. I know quite a few families who have decided to have kids knowing the risks and I am not trying to say that they shouldn't have done that. This is just want feels right for us. For me deciding to adopt was a bit of a grieving process and I can't really say I'm done grieving but I am a thousand times more excited about it now then I was when we first started discussing it. There are so many things you have to do when you decide to adopt and it feels unfair... and I guess in some ways it is, but I've totally gotten over it. This is the path our family is taking to have children in our home and that is just the way it is.. being upset isn't going to change it and I have seriously come to the point where I am just so excited about it and can't wait to hear that a birth mom has picked us to be her baby's parents!

Again I just want to thank all of you who have been supporting us with prayer and donating to Deklyn's Fund, it means so much to us! Thank you to all of you who continue to talk about Deklyn and tell us how much he has impacted you, it makes us so happy!

Thank you for your continued prayers and support! Sorry that I don't post to often anymore but I promise to keep you updated on Deklyn's Foundation and our whole adoption process.

Where I Am Today...

Well, its been awhile since my last post and I know people are wondering how we are doing.  I'm sorry if this post seems to be a little more on the sad side, I try my best to be positive but I also want to be as real and honest as I can and this is just one of those posts showing how it really is and I am terribly sorry if any of this offends anyone. Its been 5 months now since I saw my little boy alive and I can say its not getting easier. Honestly it feels like its getting harder. Shortly after Deklyn died everyone was talking about him, people from all over were telling me how amazing Deklyn was and how he impacted their lives. I still get that from time to time but it has slowed down greatly. Deklyn's name doesn't get mentioned nearly as often as it used to, which I understand is normal but as a mom its hard. All moms love to brag and talk about their kids. I still love to talk about him but I know for some people its not a very comfortable subject. People like to talk about what is new, and we obviously don't have anything new to say about him. I'm honestly having a very hard time, I know most people wouldn't guess that by looking at me. I very easily pull on my happy face, that is just who I am in almost all situations. As of right now, I honestly still can not believe this has happened to us. It feels like at any moment I could wake up and all this was a dream. I get a big wake up call anytime I go to Deklyn's grave. This is always where it hits me hard, I stare at that little stake in disbelief... my babies body is seriously under the ground... that is my beautiful babies name on that stake. Its almost like how I was in shock after we found out something was wrong. This just can not be, this has to be a dream.

Almost every night before I fall asleep I relive Deklyn's death. It was such a sad moment in our lives and obviously very traumatic. But when I can't stop thinking about it, I try and focus on my favorite part of that horrible day, the moment Deklyn was in my arms hooked up to absolutely nothing for the very first time in his life, on earth and in heaven. The moment I had longed for for over a year, it was here but not in the way I had anticipated. The monitors were turned off, there were no machines beeping, it was just me, sheridan and our beautiful son. Looking back I wish I had held him longer, but right then it felt pointless... he wasn't in that body anymore. I just love thinking that the moment I held Deklyn the way I had always wanted, he was doing everything I wanted him to be able to do in that exact same moment. While I was looking at his amazing little face, he was looking into the eyes of Jesus and I hope Jesus told him how much we loved him and how proud we were of him.

But thats enough sad talk, I'll move on to something a little more exciting.

Sheridan and I have embarked on a new journey in our lives. Its again not an easy road, but will hopefully have great reward at the end. We have officially started the process to adopt. I don't like to talk about it too much because it is so uncertain, and I don't want to get excited about something that may never happen. We are going a route where a mom who is pregnant or has just had a baby here in manitoba and wants to give her child up for adoption has to pick us... so nothing is for sure, we may never get picked but I sure hope we do. Adoption is SO much more complicated than people think. When I begin to explain the whole process to other people they are just shocked. TV shows and movies have definitely made adoption look much easier than it really is. We are not approved for adoption yet, its quite a process but we are on our way. So thats that! We are on our way to having our family, I don't think things will ever be 'normal' for our family. We will always be missing one person at the table, there will always be one person I wish was with us where ever we are. But I can't change that and we have to move on. I know we can't wait to be over Deklyn to make this step, because we will never be over him. I will always miss him like crazy, but I know I want to be a mommy, and I have always had it so strong in me to have kids.. we both love kids so much and we just can't see our home with out a child for much longer. So through this route we could have a child in our arms a year from now or 10 years from now. Either way we are excited to have another baby in our lives and be able to be parents again. If you would like to pray with us in this, please pray for the mom who will be choosing us, and our future child.

I want to thank everyone who has made a donation to Deklyn's Endowment Fund. It really means so much to us, and this is just one way we can continue to have Deklyn in our lives. Thank you for all your love and support on this journey we have been on. It's not easy as you can see, but it helps to have the amazing family and friends that we do that keep Deklyn's name alive and remind us that he is not forgotten.

Deklyn's Daddy Is My Hero

 Fathers are amazing.They have a strength that I don't think gets the proper recognition Especially in situations that are not ideal, I feel like the fathers don't get enough credit. Deklyn has the most amazing daddy I could ever pick for him. He is the strongest man I have ever met and I can't believe after all he has been through he is still so strong.

When Sheridan and I first found out something was wrong, I felt like I was in the worst situation possible. I remember sitting and looking at the doctor as he told us "Something is very wrong with your baby" I felt completely numb, I looked over at my husband who was holding my hand. He bent over closer to me and instantly said "Its going to be ok, God will heal him" now this was not my first thought. But in that moment, Sheridan changed everything. I went from complete fear, to hope. That is a man of God.

Deklyn was born, Sheridan was exhausted! He had been up for 2 whole days but he continued to take care of me and continued to speak positively into our situation. I had a c-section so I needed lots of help getting out of bed and into a wheel chair. He was with me every step of the way and took all of my complaining! Sheridan took a little over a month off of work to be with Deklyn and I, but eventually we would need money to be coming in. As the head of the home, Sheridan took this responsibility very seriously. At the time, I was feeling sorry for myself. I was the one who had to stay in the city by myself, eat by myself and sit by Deklyns bed all day long by myself. One day I was pretty sick, as I shouldn't have been with Deklyn during that time anyways I decided to go home with Sheridan for a night to get some rest. That day at home was the worst! I missed Deklyn so much and just wanted to get back. After that I tired not to complain about Sheridan having to leave because I knew that it was most likely harder on him than it was on me. He would come to Winnipeg Thursday evening and leave Sunday night. He spent Monday to Thursday all by himself, worrying about me and Deklyn.

All through Deklyn's life we were continually believing we would see healing in Deklyn. Sheridan never let me think other wise. The night before Deklyn passed away Sheridan and I both took turns holding him. It was so hard, as we both knew it was going to be soon unless something major happened. As I was holding Deklyn, tears streaming down my face Sheridan said "He can still receive his healing" what an amazing man.
The day Deklyn passed away, I was sitting on the couch in the room and Sheridan was laying beside him the big bed they had moved Deklyn to. As his heart rate slowly dropped and we realized what was happening, the nurses turned off his machines as we stood by his side. I honestly had no words, I don't think I even told him I loved him in those last minutes. But what came out of Sheridans mouth? "In Jesus name you are healed Buddy" wow... He continually amazed me, even in the moment we lost our son.

Since Deklyn has passed away, Sheridan has had to be incredible strong. Firstly he has to try and get back to regular life as quick as possible so that we can have money coming in, then he has to take care of me who misses Deklyn so much she can hardly function, and than some how he needs to take care of himself. Its hard seeing other families playing with their kids, its hard seeing our niece and nephew and wishing so badly that they could know Deklyn and play with him too... Its hard while everyone continues to go on, we are stuck. People slowly stop talking about him and move on while we don't know where to go. Its just plain hard.

I don't know what you think you would do, but for me seeing my son go through so much was very hard. I had plenty of opportunity to be negative and I did struggle with that. I know Sheridan struggled too, but as the man of the house and as a father  I can not say enough how amazing he has been. He has always put God first and in every decision we had to make he has always made me so proud.

Sheridan, you are the most amazing father. You have made me so incredibly proud. The way you played with Deklyn, the way you held him, talked to him and prayed for him. You are the most admirable father I have ever seen. I know sometimes your jokes are covering up the hurt, and that's ok. I want you to know, I know you did everything you could to help me and our little boy. You are more of a father than I have seen in anyone I know. I know sometimes you feel like you have failed and I know sometimes you are hurting more than you let on, but trust me when I say that you did not fail. You have done your job as head of the home, and no one could have done it better than you. Deklyn and I love you so incredibly much. I know that he can't wait to have his first game of paint ball with you in heaven. He's watching you as you build the car that I know you so wish he could sit in with you. I wish he could too. Please never forget that you are the most amazing father Deklyn could have and you are so incredibly loved by him and me.
Happy Fathers Day to the most deserving, incredible and amazing Daddy. You are my hero, and I know you are Deklyn's as well.

Deklyn Sawatzky Endowment Fund

Deklyn Sawatzky Endowment Fund is officially set up!

Here are the ways you can donate!

You can visit our Fundraising Web Page to Donate Online Here

You can call 204-787-4000 

or

You can write out a cheque and mail it to Childrens Hospital Foundation of Manitoba

The cheque needs to be written out to Childrens Hospital Foundation of Manitoba

In the memo write: "Deklyn Sawatzky Endowment Fund"

The cheque can than be mailed to

CE501-840 Sherbrook Street

Winnipeg, MB R3A 1S1

All donations go towards research for Hypophosphatasia

Thank you so much for your donation. Our hope with this fund is that we will change the lives of children with HPP. We hope no child will ever die because of this disease again. We feel so blessed that we are able to do this in Deklyn's name and we know he would have loved to help other children.

Beautiful Memories

My recent posts have been on the sadder side, just missing Deklyn and trying to go on with out him has become really difficult. I don't really have much to say this post, but I wanted it to be a happy one, so I decided to write about my top ten moments with Deklyn (if i can even narrow it down to 10!)

Starting from the beginning of his life.

#1 My first cherished moment would be my whole pregnancy. I loved ever second of it. 

When Sheridan and I decided to start a family, it happened much faster than I had expected. I was hoping it wouldn't take to long but was prepared for it to talk a few months or even a year. In the beginning of April 2011 I was way to impatient to wait and see if I missed my period so I bought a test. I decided to just leave it in the bathroom for a bit before looking at it but Sheridan went to look. I asked for the results and he said "nope, not pregnant" I took a good long look at it... he was right. But i couldn't stop looking at it.. the longer I looked the more sure I became that there was the faintest line you could ever see... after a while I had Sheridan convinced there was a line and sure enough that faint little line was proof our little Deklyn was on the way. Besides the terrible acne pregnancy gave me, I loved every part! I loved the movement in my tummy, I loved how round I was, I just can't say enough how much I enjoyed it.

#2 My next favorite moment was seeing Deklyn for the first time/ our first day with him. Although to an outsider this day would have seemed terrifying and horrible, for me it was such a joyous day. After months of being told my son would die at or before birth, he was here and alive. I loved looking at his little body and touching his hand and his head. His hair was curly just like his daddy's  I joked that he did the one thing I asked besides being healthy and that was that'd he'd have his daddy's hair. We got to show off our brand new baby boy to our family and I was just so proud of him.

#3 Our very first time holding Deklyn. Now this was not an ordinary "first time holding your child" experience  but it was wonderful and such a blessing. Sheridan got to hold him first at 4 weeks old. It was a surprise as we really weren't told we could hold him yet but they wanted to get him a new incubator so he needed to be some where while they made the switch. Deklyn did so well, and seemed to enjoy it so they told us we could do it more often. It was quite the procedure though. He had to stay on his thick mattress and all his lines, tubes and hoses were quite a mess, but the amazing staff at childrens helped us out and made it as comfortable as it could possibly be. The first time I got to hold Deklyn against my chest was by far my favorite holding experience. He was so content and I felt like such a mom in that moment





#4 Being able to change his diaper and put clothes on  him. Who would have thought changing a diaper could be a blessing?? Up until the day Deklyn died I honestly loved changing his diaper and I really miss that part of being a mom. And who doesn't love baby clothes?? Seriously, my boy had to be the best dressed child in that hospital! I loved picking out his outfit for the day, and if that one got dirty? All the better, I got to pick another one! Lets just say, the few things I got to do with Deklyn that were normal I cherished and had such a blast doing. Not once did I wish I didn't have to change his diaper or get him a different outfit. I was actually really sad when he couldn't wear clothes when he was to sick to be moved.

#5 Seeing Deklyn's face for the first time. We didn't get the chance to do this till he was 5 months old. On May 17th 2012, Deklyn had a tracheostomy. A procedure we did not go into lightly. Looking back, this was the best decision we could have made for him and us even for seeing that he would pass away. Seeing his face, watching him move his tongue and lips. It was like seeing your child for the first time again. It was beautiful. From that day, he started a trend of learning how to do new things with his lips and mouth and I think it was the cutest thing ever!

#6 Being able to lift him by ourselves. I wasn't able to do this till he was about 6 months old, but when I got to I took off with it. Yes it was slightly scary  especially when he went through phases of turning blue when moved, but we got through it and I'm so glad we weren't scared to be his mommy and daddy. We got to lift him into his baths, lift him up to hold him and it was especially rewarding being able to lift him into his grandparents, aunties and uncles arms.

#7 Getting more independence with Deklyn. When we moved to PSCU when Deklyn was 7 months old we gained alot a freedom. He now had a room that was as close to homey as it gets in the hospital and the nursing staff trusted us to do most of his care. Moving there really made me feel like a parent. We started to get to play with him on the floor, put him in his stroller (not for rides but it was fun anyways), I started to really come into my role as his mommy. Deklyn, although he was always a happy baby suddenly became the happiest child I had ever met. I figured out what made him smile and how to make him laugh (although it couldn't be heard, it was still the cutest thing ever). I started to bounce and tickle him, it was just so awesome! Just a little more independence gave us so much with Deklyn and I am so grateful for that!

#8 Deklyn's 1st Birthday. Wow am I ever glad we got to experience this day with him. Although it was back in ICU, that day went amazingly. It was so fun and everything I had hoped for in a birthday party for him. I only wish everyone could have held him and seem him closer, but other than that I would not have changed one thing. The love we received from the hospital staff was incredible and we were so blessed! I can not stress enough how grateful I am that we got to have a 1st birthday party with the most amazing little boy I have ever met!




#9 Reading. Deklyn LOVED books. Seriously... this kid could look at books for days on end! It was so adorable! It was hard to get Deklyn to focus on things, but you pull out a book and he'll look at it and study those pages like you wouldn't believe. Reading to Deklyn will always be one of my favorite memorys. We did it when he was in my tummy, and I will never forget the first book we read to him. "Oh the places you'll go by Dr. Suess". I can only imagine the places hes going now. I remember when I was pregnant, as we'd read this story and you get to the end and it says "and will you succeed? Yes you will indeed. 98 3/4% guaranteed  Kid you'll move mountains." I would almost always start crying cause I knew our little guy had the biggest mountain I could even imagine. But I new God was going to help us move it.

#10 His 2nd Christmas. His 1st Christmas, honestly didn't feel like Christmas. But his 2nd we got to put up a Christmas tree and I even decorated a bit! It was so awesome! Giving him his presents he watched so intently as we unwrapped them and showed them to him. We played and just had an incredible day. Christmas eve was also a lot of fun! Luckily he was moved back to PSCU on Christmas eve so we got to be in his room with the christmas tree and presents. Deklyn lay on his mat on the floor all evening while we ate a special  christmas eve meal, played games and gave Deklyn his stocking. Such special memories I am so glad we got!

and sorry I need to do one more!

#11 Watching him learn & grow. It was amazing. By the end of his life he was starting to grab things! I would stick my finger in his chubby little hand and he would squeeze so tight! And those legs! Wow did those get long! Unbelievable! My amazing little boy, he truly did get so far! I honestly feel so lucky. I got to enjoy this amazing boy for 14 months. Yes it was hard. I feel like it took quite a few years off my life. But I will never take for granted all the joys and stresses of parenting.

Deklyn has taken my heart and made it 100% bigger, I have a heart for the hurting more than I ever have. Some times I do feel sorry for myself. Some times I do get over whelmed and feel like life is totally unfair and I absolutely hate that I can't have Deklyn with me. But I always lean on the promise of seeing him again. I am SO looking forward to the day where I get to meet my savoir, thank him for everything he did for me and than turn and see my beautiful boy running for me. What a day that will be!

2 Months of Missing Deklyn

 2 months ago we celebrated my sons life. A very short but incredible life. I feel as though I have lost something so incredibly important in my life and I guess that's acceptable because I did. I know every mom would feel like a huge piece of their life was missing if their child passed away. Not to say other mom's don't but I gave up a lot for Deklyn. I lived away from home and for the majority of the time apart from my husband. I lived in a pretty scary part of the city. I learnt things medically, things that were incredibly scary and hard to do. Things that nurses tell me they are most scared to do in their nursing career. So when Deklyn left, I think its fair to say 100% of my life was changed. I moved back home, got to see my husband everyday (this was of course a plus!), I no longer needed to think about saturation's  heart rates, secretions  changing trach ties, dressings and the trach its self. I no longer needed to talk with the doctors and nurses everyday or deal with some of the unpleasant parts of spending your entire day in the hospital. Before I had Deklyn I was terrified at the thought of having to possibly live a few weeks in the city by myself... I spent over a year in the city by myself and although it was hard. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I loved giving Deklyn his bath and then changing his trach ties and dressing. I loved giving his medicines, not so much the injection but he always handled it so well. Yes, I even enjoyed changing his diaper... I loved every part of my day with Deklyn no matter how scary, hard or gross it was.  Some times the easiest thing seems to be just to forget, not that you really can. But just push the thoughts of what you miss away. It can be incredibly over whelming thinking about how you really don't know how many days you have left until you get to see that beautiful face again. But at the same time, it makes me sad not to talk about him. If no one ever asked me about him, or ever mentioned his name it would make me very sad. He was a huge part of my life and to not talk about it just feels strange, any mom you know talks about their children like crazy! Probably 80% of their conversation is about their children so to not have that anymore is a struggle in its self.

I get so overwhelmed thinking about the months ahead... Mothers & Father days, our birthdays, signification dates in Deklyn's life... How in the world do you get through these days! With mothers day coming up, a part of me wants to just sleep through that whole day. I don't want to see all the other mom's cuddling their babies and enjoying their title as a mother. I know I am a mom, but feel as though I have nothing to prove for it. Its not like being engaged or married where you have a ring on your finger and everyone knows your married, there is nothing on me (besides my strech marks and c-section scar) that prove I am a mother. I know this day will always be hard. I know its hard for many people not just me, but this year I'd just rather not deal with it. But I know that is no way to live either. I am not the only one out there we has lost a child, or lost their only child for that matter. I guess its just hard when it seems like everyone around you has what your missing. For myself its a good reminder to keep telling myself I am not the only one going through this. 

On another note, my new job is going great! I'm actually enjoying working way more than I thought I would. I think part of it is just filling my old position of Deklyn's care giver. Being at work makes me feel useful and rather than sitting at home wishing I was taking care of Deklyn I'm doing something with my time and meeting new people. I love when kids come in, most people seem to think seeing kids would make me sad. Sometimes it does, but it doesn't make me not want to see kids. I just love making them feel special and giving them a little extra attention. I would have liked people to treat Deklyn like that, and in each child I talk to I see a piece of Deklyn.

I again want to thank all of you who are praying for us. As you can probably tell by my latest blogs, this is a really really hard time. I know it will get better, but right now the prayers, support and encouraging words just mean so much to us. Thank you so much! We have really been shown a true example of a Christ like love.

Deklyn and I, our first and last mothers day together here on earth. I miss you so much, and I wish I could have you in my arms for even one minute. I am so proud of you, and thank you for being my son. Love you always and forever!